President, Anti-Social Society

Ironic, isn't it - to find a society presided by an individual, whose members and board of directors are one and the same person? You won't find them hiding behind the group whose collective thoughts become one. You won't find them huddled within the masses whose voice is lost in the midst of a thousand others. No. In fact, their voices, thoughts and strengths become weaker that way. You'll find them stronger, more powerful when they are alone. And they're the ones that retreat in their solitude finding the one true voice to listen to: their own.

I am that kind. I am an individual. And I am alone. I stand alone. I live alone. And I will die, alone. While this journey provides us with other individuals as companions, eventually, we all have to walk the road alone, like they do, too.

It's rather sarcastic to talk about being alone and an individual during this time of year when people get together. People from work, friends and relatives get together and sit around talking about their lives and how the year has been kind to them. And while I sit among them, I find myself alone.

I am alone when my best friend and his wife have coffee with me. And while I enjoy their company and love seeing them together, I am alone, listening to their joy and envying their two distinct energies woven into one.

I am alone when old friends decide to meet. And while I laugh with them, my voice is drowned by the sea of thoughts. It is to my benefit perhaps that I decide to swim back to shore and walk alone.

I am alone when the people at work celebrate the end of another year. And while I mindlessly throw myself in the sea of cheers, taunts and grins, my voice is lost and I return home, alone. Celebrating the year that has been unkind to me.

I dread going home to my family now. I know, I will feel the loneliness that tears my heart in two. And even when I enjoy the warmth that they provide, I would rather have the cold nights spent alone. It is the one and only thing that I look to, these days. Longing for the night of solitude, where my thoughts are clearer and my voice, more distinct than any of the other voices that make their way into my head.

Although, I did have a moment when I enjoyed the company of another individual. One who has allowed me to remain the individual that I wanted to be. And even if I was with her, she allowed me to be alone with her. We no longer see each other. We no longer talk the way we used to. We no longer enjoy each other's individuality. We are both, back to being alone. Alone, the way it used to be, for me.

And the Anti-Social Society has welcomed me back with open arms. They have given me a seat with the other board of directors and a membership for life. A new head has been elected and the votes are in my favor. I become President, uncontested. Again, I am alone.