Never

So, how long has it been? Almost a year, I know and I'll never forget. You know how you can remember things and how exact and precise the moment was? It may not seem important at the time, but when you find yourself down memory lane you'll remember everything that you need to remember.

Sometimes I wish I could forget easily. Sometimes I wish I could forgive just as easily as I could forget. The problem is, I don't. We're a very forgiving people, that's our fault and our loss, as well. And people don't seem to take it seriously. Saying sorry has become an available commodity these days, and it has become as common as saying 'I love you.'

On a personal note, I really don't find it hard to say that I'm sorry. Really. I mean every word that I say when I know that I really am. But more often than not, I know I don't have to apologize for my actions. Now, why is that? It's simple, really. I see things in black and white. There are no gray areas for me. Sounds too drastic, right? Yeah, I know, but by acknowledging my flaw doesn't mean I am ready to change for the better. No way. I'd rather stick to my beliefs, swallow the only pride I have left and stand against the bunch of sorry asses who claim to be righteous. There. See, my middle finger is standing up as well.

I'm not afraid to lose everything. It makes me remember how fragile life is. I'm not afraid of showing what it is like to be human. It makes me remember how important it is to feel. Whether it be love or hate, or even both, one has to learn how to feel and accept why some people cannot forgive easily. We've turned our children into zombies, telling them that ill feelings are unacceptable. That's half of your life shunned away from you.

That's why I can never forgive nor forget. It's been a year and I've never forgotten. I will also never forgive. I wonder how revenge tastes like? I suppose that when I've tasted it, I will wish that I could never forget how good it tastes.

Paycheck

The last time I set foot inside an office as an employed individual was April 13. It was days after when I received my last paycheck and I have been living off it for months. It was one of those Sundays when I was having lunch with my mom when she asked me if I still had money. And I told her that I was already losing money the moment I stepped out of the doors of my former office. My mom is used to my sarcasm, thank God she's brilliant.

Everyone assumed that I would be jumping ship, off to another ad agency whether here or abroad. I simply told them that I'm taking a long vacation, there were things that I needed and wanted to do. It was one of the best excuses I've ever told, in fact I was just preparing myself for the next step, the route that I've always wanted to take which was never presented to me.

It occurred to me, of course, that there were some things in life that were never meant to happen. "If it's not one thing, it could be another." Most people would easily move on, I'd do the same, but I never forget these things that happen in my life. No, let me be honest - I will never forget these things, no matter how painful or painless these things become. It makes me remember why I am doing what I'm doing and instills in me a higher purpose of what seems insignificant to some.

Only a few live their lives this way. Everyone else wants to live life the easy way. Me? I don't want to. Why? Because my life is a testament of what my father and my father's father has gone through in life. My life is proof of my ... greatness. Yes. That's the word that I was looking for. Not success, greatness. Hey, if you're only going to dream, why do you have to settle with something you can easily achieve, right? I'm going for broke. And speaking of which: as far as yesterday was concerned, I've received my first paycheck.

It is a fraction of what I used to earn, but working for it was worth it. I've never been happier compared to all the days that I've lined up in the automated teller just to see how much I've received from half a month's worth of work. I can allow myself to smile even for a bit, knowing full well that I and my partners have to work much harder. Then again, that in itself is another reason to smile.

Before leaving our place of work, my creative partner Judith was playing an old song by Cyndi Lauper, "Money Changes Everything." I find myself singing to the lyrics as I held the check in my hands. There's more from where that came from.